I strayed from journaling my thoughts again, and I’ve been feeling blocked as a result. There’s been a certain grief that has been lingering and after much contemplation I believe it’s my inability to fully release and forgive myself. My consciousness makes sure to bring up painful memories that provoke a whirlwind of bludgeonings against myself. Endless feelings of shame and regret take a hold and remind me of past actions that I’ve taken part in that hurt myself and others. For the most part I’m not always afflicted by these emotions, but they tend to creep in right at the peak of a elated moment. Is this you feeling deserving of happiness and abundance? Lol nah, nope. Remember these past deeds that are unresolved? That’s why you’re not worthy of these pleasantries.
It seems like there’s an endless effort involved in healing. I’m actively pursuing interests as a means to fuel my creative child, but it feels as though some form of nurturing is alluding me.
I despise that hesitation before posting something like this to blog. Blegh.